attachment

It's been a couple of days since my birthday and I've been reflecting on the chatter that has been going on in my head.

How 20 years ago I was engaged to be married.
How 10 years ago I was smiling because a few hundred people showed up to the birthday party.
How tonight I'm walking my doggo by myself.

Then my thoughts drift to more recent memories, of how much has changed in the last two years, which then triggered a desire.
A want.
A wish.

a wish...

Yes.

I wished to hear from her.

to hear from her...

Anything! Just a message, a call, an email... anything!

Anything.
But there was nothing.
Then I felt that desire twist into despair.

The emotions that flared up were dark, however, this time I am aware of them. I can intercept, pause and process instead of giving into them.

It's our birthday!
We should be happy that we are still here!
Why such sadness?

why such sadness...

I think back.
I go deep.
Why?

why...

Because I love her.
Love in such a way that transcends anything I have ever experienced.
Because...

what do you want...

I don't want to be forgotten.

When someone can awaken your soul, play with your soul, dance with your soul.
That is something special.
It made me feel a little bit special.

I flash back to that time when the Universe presented us with the lesson of Attachment.
It was unexpected as we were unaware.
It was a painful lesson that made us aware.

Having to understand that to truly love someone, you have to be able let them go.
Let them be free.
Otherwise they are no longer what you fell in love with.

It's not about control.
It's not about possession.
It's about embracing the time we have with them.

Then let go.
Not forget!
But let it go.

And now we have space for a new experience.
Just like how this one "came out of nowhere!"
Another is on its way.

#chasingbutterflies