attention

On Mother's Day I met up with my siblings, had a meeting to discuss the future and then I made some decisions that would change my life.

However, I did not expect things to shift so fast.

In the past two weeks I have met with new people, formed a team, created new partnerships, created new relationships and oppourtunities are coming at me.

But while everything was unfolding in amazing ways, something felt off as time passed.

what do you see...

I couldn't see it, but I could feel it.

I know I was not in flow, I felt like I was just floating.

Adrift.

I was not sure what to label this emotional space I was in, as it felt nice and comfortable.

nice and comfortable...

Yes. A bit too familiar.

It was not until this morning did the dots start to connect and I was able to see.

I woke up, walked out to greet Kismet 'Good Morning!' when I saw the damage. She chewed up a chunk of baseboard near her bed.

I couldn't get angry at her as she wouldn't know what it was related to, but she could sense that I was not happy as I saw her slink away with her tail between her legs.

Cleaned up the mess, took a couple of deep breaths and decided to go on our morning walk to cool off.

what do you see...

My thoughts drifted to baseboard, then back a couple of days to when she opened up her dog bed and pulled some stuffing out, then to a few days before that where she oddly went into the bathroom and made a mess by shredding up the toilet paper.

All in the last two weeks.

This is not a coincidence.

So what is it?

People have told me she is trying to get my attention, that something must have changed and she is not happy about it.

New people.

New relationships.

New space.

Kismet is not happy and trying to get my attention.

I feel off.

Both happened at the same time.

nice and comfortable...

this space is...

can't you see...

I can't see, but I can feel.

Nice and comfortable.

That's what I am labeling it as anyway.

Now I remember. I remember the last time I felt like this.

Floating.

Adrift.

I was disconnected.

I do believe the relationship between Kismet and I mirrors my relationship with little Winston.

When we spend time together, everyone is happy.

When we don't, someone is not happy.

Then that someone tries to get some attention.

Yes. A lot has changed in the last two weeks. The familiar space has changed, the daily routine has changed, the amount of time we get to spend together has changed.

This world is no longer what we are used to.

but isn't this what you want...

to let go of the old...

to live in the new...

Change is scary.

Terrifying.

But it is coming as I made that decision.

I think back over the last few weeks and I see it now.

So focused on everything but him.

All work, no play.

I fell back into old habits and started drifting away. Disconnecting not by choice, but by focusing too much on things external. Even though I was giving myself 'me time', I didn't include him as part of it.

Yeah. I feel you. I'd be pissed too.

But I caught it sooner this time! Now that I am aware of how it feels, I will catch it sooner when it happens again.

what do you want...

Let's go play!

Just you and me.

well... and Kismet!

let's go...

#chasingbutterflies