backtracking

This morning I went to visit Anita, the facilitator of the Daring Way workshop I attended, and during our conversation I received some nuggets that helped clear a couple of big dysfunctional beliefs I had about myself.

When our meeting was done, I decided to go visit my sister and punched in her address into Google Maps and proceeded to head to her home.

or so you thought...

I was listening to the GPS instructions, I turned left at the main intersection, drove for a few minutes and then it told me to turn right.

I was puzzled and then realized that I was driving a big loop and backtracking to the intersection I was at just a short while ago.

or so you thought...

I reach the stop sign, look to my far right and sure enough there was the intersection.

I roll my eyes, pan my head back to the left and what I saw made my heart stop.

It was her house.

The first girl I fell in love with back in university... it was her family's home.

The house looked abandoned and was in decrepit shape, but I could recognize the distinguishing features as it sat beside a green patch of land that used to be blueberry fields.

but why now...

I recognized the street name "Harris Road" when I drove to the first day of the workshop a few weeks ago. This unearthed very old memories, touched a very old scar.

Seeing the house did it again.
But this time I chose not to engage.
This time I let the emotions pass.

or so you thought...

I made it to my sister's and chilled out for a while, then headed off to my next meeting which went great and ended the day going to see a presentation and reinforced that there are ways of teaching I do not align with.

I rush home to take Kismet out for a walk.

Along our route I notice a car with the passenger door open, and inside I see a couple arguing.

Witnessing this triggers an ugly memory, one I chose to forget.

or so you thought...

I got to relive an argument I had with my girlfriend at the time.
I got to see this scene play out in slow motion.
I got to feel the ugliness living inside this younger version of me.

I can't recognize my former self. So much rage. So much pain.

but why now...

I don't know.

But two old scars linked to two key women from my past get poked today? This is not coincidence.

There is a lesson unfolding as I see the shadow approach.

#chasingbutterflies