daring grately

relaunching VoiceStory Live has been harder than I anticipated.

constantly playing catch up is mentally exhausting.

feeling that I’m always behind the 8-ball is emotionally draining.

I’ve been bouncing between these two states for most of this year and today felt demoralized.

wondering
questioning
why...

why do I continue to do this?
why do I bother?
why...

and I let myself slide inside into the abyss.

the vision that I am given is of me
a much younger me
in pain

suffering.

I see myself tormented
trying to understand my place in the world
trying to understand what I feel

but not knowing how.

I feel the cape of doubt come over me
I'm very familiar with this space
it's been a while since my last visit.

I hear a faint whisper

why...

why do I continue to do this?
why do I bother?
why...

I see myself tormented
I feel myself tormented
suffering.

I feel "not knowing how"
the confusion
the shame.

as I watched the vision
as I processed the pain
I remember

why.

that younger version of me wished that someone

anyone

would come
would understand
and help.

without judgement
criticism
or shame.

I remember this wish
I remember how I felt making this wish
I remember how I felt

believing it would never come true.

the vision continues to unfold
I watch the younger me wipe away tears
as he starts walking home.

in the background I hear from the TV

the credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly

I've know this quote from President Theodore Roosevelt
I've heard it hundred of times
but this time it landed differently

who errs, who comes short again and again

who spends himself in a worthy cause

I remember why.

I do what I do for that younger me.

to be that person
he wished for
that understood

by listening
by seeing
by accepting

without judgement
criticism
or shame.

to be that person for someone else

who's wishing.

#chasingbutterflies