deciding to be even "more weird"

A couple of weeks ago I decided to delete the Facebook app from my phone and it's been an experience dealing with the withdrawal from the dopamine hits.

I have allowed myself two check ins each day, however, I am aware in the last 72 hours that this has been broken. I catch myself doing a quick check in using my mobile web browser... and for what exactly? It's the fact my subconscious has found an alternate means to get the fix it wants is disturbing.

Today I decided to be "more weird" and increase my signal to noise ratio by disconnecting my home internet service. No link to the cloud, no Netflix, no access to social media from home.

This is actually how it used to be before I moved out and now that I think of it, I didn't even give it a second thought and automatically had internet installed when I moved back in! The addiction is real!

I know the withdrawal is going to suck, I know I am going to stare at my phone knowing that's now my only access point.

But I can turn the phone off! At least knowing I have to turn it on will hopefully be enough to help with the temptation so I can break this cycle.

People have already been asking me "what are you going to do with your time?"

I will read this stack of books I have collected, do yoga to stretch these running legs, meditate, write more pages of my book, ummm, organize my storage room, ummm... it is funny and tragic that I am having a hard time listing off activities at this moment, but I am tired of the noise, of the distractions.

I want to take back control of these moments of my life.
I want to take back this time I've been mindlessly burning.
I want to be able to hear the clear signal.

And I will.

#chasingbutterflies