falling down

Today I had one of those days where things just felt off, and a brief conversation with my Mom triggered an old wound which then put my mind into old thought patterns and habits.

3 to 4 hours later and I didn't get out of the thought cycle in my head and found myself in the snack aisle of the supermarket with a couple of bags of chips in hand.

then Feather called...

This surprise call snapped me out of my funk, I put down the junk food, left the store and focused on the phone call. I feel so much love when I hear her voice, when we get to laugh together and connect.

It was when she asked me what happened in order to make me end up in the snack section, that I really pondered my automatic action.

I couldn't find the right words to express how I felt... other than that I was in pain and wanted comfort. I wanted to go back to the way I was, I wanted to feel numb.

As she questioned my thoughts and asked if I could truly turn around and go back into the box, to that old life? As she posed these questions, little Winston painted it all for me to see... trying to fake being unaware to fit back in is sheer madness! If I felt alone before, I would truly be alone if I went back to a world I don't resonate with anymore.

That is when I became aware of everything that happened on Saturday morning, was a lesson to teach me how to deal with the events of today.

On Saturday I made the most of a bad situation and had a great day cutting up powder at Cypress. The main lift was not working, so I decided for my last run to go for a hike and hit some untouched powder on my favourite run, Rainbow.

2/3 of the way up the hill I turned around and looked back at where I started, and I was too far along to turn back now so I kept going. Eventually I made it to the top, eventually I made it to the entrance of Rainbow and it look all of a minute to make it down... but it was when I was hot dogging it on the softpacked snow at the bottom, did I overload my board and do a spectacular crash in front of the lift line crowd.

But I chose not to focus on the fall and let it ruin my day. It was just a moment in time which was quickly forgotten.

even the great days can have crappy moments, but it is your choice whether or not you focus on the crap...

So my moment with my Mom should have been addressed the same way... I should have let it go and forgot about it, not giving it a chance to take up any space.

fall down
get back up
keep moving forward

#chasingbutterflies