Happy Singles Day

Below is my Valentine's Day experience, but then I got caught up riding the wave of a shift that happened that day and I forgot to publish it.

Valentine’s Day is the one celebrated day that I just do not have a connection with. I believed it was because I just happen to be solo on this day, regardless if I was in a relationship or not. But today I know that is not the reason.

The true reason is that I never chose myself first.

It was snowing last night so I made a decision to go up to the mountain in the morning. Today I woke up, got my gear on and just as I was about to head out I decided to check my phone... then I was bombarded with email and text messages to get things done.

I had a moment of indecision, but when I saw in my mind little Winston look at me, then turn around, head hung low and start walking away, I said “Fuck it! We are going up!”

This single decision to choose him, over anything and anyone else, was something that hasn't happened in ages.

Then I felt things start to shift.

As I drove to the mountain I could feel his anticipation, his excitement! On the first run as we bombed through the trees I could hear his laughter, I saw the gleam in his eye as we let everything go and flew on a field of untouched powder. “WE” went riding this morning!

Instead of getting a dozen roses for someone, I gave myself a dozen powder runs.

More importantly I gave myself something that I’ve been so desperately seeking for so long… I just couldn’t see it as I was looking outwards, instead of inwards. Love.

More specifically... Self love.

I connected with him at a level I have long since forgotten. This is just an admission as to how many times I've ignored and abandoned him for things I deemed more important as I "grew up".

I've been dead inside for so long and now I feel alive.

What a difference one year can make!

what a difference one decision can make...

#chasingbutterflies