It's starting to feel a lot like Christmas...

So much going through my mind right now.

This cutting diet has created a massive craving for chips & snacks, makes it hard to concentrate.

Thoughts of what happened last week, to write about how much can change in 7 days, how events needed to unfold in their own time otherwise everything right now would be different. I cleared lots of space and now new things are flooding in.

The excitement about all these new oppourtunites coming my way turn into a wave of sadness, as my mind drifts to the thought of being solo again for another holiday season. I guess watching the last 10 minutes of the finale of "Stranger Things 2" set off a few triggers, touched some old wounds I forgot about.

Thinking about this on my walk home from the gym sucked, but it didn't have the same sting like in the past. I'll take this as a sign that I've healed a bit.

Yes I feel you. I feel your sigh, I see the images you paint in my mind...

To share a moment with someone special in a cold Winter night, to watch the snowflakes fall from the black sky, to feel their embrace as we sit beside a fire to warm up.

Yes it's been a long time. I haven't forgotten. I know it feels lonely right now, especially when you paint such wonderful scenes you wish would come true...

We have missed out so many times. Always the odd one out. Sometimes I wonder if we create this experience on purpose. How does this serve us?

I become aware that the craving for chips and this desire for companionship are born from the same place. I'm not going to suppress these emotions. I will process them, feel them, learn from them and grow.

I... We won't be alone forever.

Just have to stay true to our path, believe and wait for everything to unfold.

#chasingbutterflies