Kismet

kis·met (ˈkizmit)
noun
destiny; fate.

When I was 6 years old I was chased by a big black dog around the streets of Chinatown, I remember freaking out and screaming while running as fast I could to escape. That moment caused some serious trauma, as I would have anxiety and panic attacks when approaching dogs for many years to come.

It wasn’t until my sister got a dog and I got used to being around it, did my PTSD subside to a point where I could interact with an unknown dog. And the thought of owning one?

NEVER! EVER!

Well on November 23rd I learned to never say never, but let me rewind things a bit to give some context.

In October my sister suggested I get a dog as she felt I needed some new life injected into my world. I brushed this off by saying "What do I know about raising a dog?", but little did I know this idea took root and started to grow.

For the past few months I have noticed that I have been speaking the comment “I want to feel alive!” during many conversations. However, I didn’t understand what was driving this want and all I knew was this burn would not go away.

A few weeks later I visit my sister again, we chat about the idea of getting a dog and then the focus of the conversation shifted to me… specifically to the point that I never had to raise a living thing before. All my life I have worked, created and existed in spaces devoid of love and life.

You want to feel alive because you are dying inside.

Then I became aware of what is driving this want. It is the desire to bring life, a new heartbeat into my world.

I have changed a lot in the last few years and especially in the last 5 months after I have been awoken. I now see that I couldn’t bring unconditional love into my life until I understood how to give and receive it. When I began to daydream of all the situations I would be in with a dog, I knew then the desire was strong.

So on November 23rd my sister and I went to go see a litter of new puppies. Arriving and stepping into the viewing room I saw one curled up looking like a raccoon hat in the corner and the rest were playing around. I’ll admit that I didn’t have the “OH MY GAWD! THAT”S THE ONE” moment that I was hoping for.

An hour past, it was time to leave and as I made my way to exit the pen area, I see a face pop up from the raccoon hat that just woke up. I picked this puppy up, brought her close to my face, looked her in the eyes and this was the first animal I have ever allowed to let lick my face, however, my heartstrings weren’t being played so I left without a puppy and mulled things over.

I thought about that one puppy, then thought about her not being there if I went back and I felt this gut punch of remorse. So I made plans to go back in the next morning to make up my mind. It was at this second visit where I got the evidence I needed.

In the pen that puppy approached me, I extended my hand and she went for it with her mouth. I felt no fear, panic, anxiety or the need to pull my hand away. I let her nibble away and as her sister approached my other hand I had a totally different reaction, as I pulled my hand away and felt a bolt of fear shoot up my spine from possibly being bit. There was an obvious level of comfort and connection with this one particular puppy that I didn’t have with any of the rest of the litter, so I chose her and took her home.

On the drive home I was thinking of a name for the puppy when a Hybrid Mind’s set started playing, the lyrics of the opening song touched my soul. That song is titled “Kismet” so that became her name.

You can listen to the song Kismet here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yogt46dJJ4g

Well Kismet has been in my life a couple of weeks now and it’s been quite an experience watching her grow and learn, while I also grow and learn as I ponder the question: “I wonder why I manifested this dog into my life?”

A few days ago my coach came over to help guide me through a reading from my Oracle cards. The center card I pulled was "Relationship", which reflected my relationship with my inner light child (ILC). As I tuned into his voice my mind drifted to my frustration that weekend taking Kismet out for a walk, the resistance I am getting, her not listening to me and she just wants to go all over the place.

Then I realized that this situation is a metaphor, a mirror, of my relationship with my ILC. But in this relationship he is the one guiding me and I am the dog. I am putting up the resistance, I am the one not listening and just going all over the place. However, the difference is no matter how much resistance I put up, how many times I screw up, how many times I don’t listen… my ILC will just keep trying until I learn and get back onto the right path.

But I’m not doing that with Kismet. 

So I manifested Kismet into my life to teach me patience, and to remind me to listen to the guidance I am given as I no longer walk my path alone.

#chasingbutterflies