leave it

I decided to take Kismet for a nice long walk and see the city at night.

I enter back into my old space. I hear the music, see the parties, the people, the lifestyle. I feel emotions bubble up that I was not aware of before. I guess being sober has allowed me to be sensitive to these feelings now.

The monkey rattles its cage again.

I admit the Siren's call is very much there.

We walk by groups of people starting their escape into the night.

I wish to go with them.

To touch a cold glass.

To take a sip and feel the dopamine hit.

leave it...

As Kismet darts sideways to go chase after a pigeon on a garbage can, I pull her back and tell her to "leave it!" and I say it again, and again.

Then I realize what is happening to me is no different.

leave it...

My desire to go have a drink is no different then her desire to chase that pigeon.

It's an urge.

It's also a choice.

leave it...

I guess if I want her to obey me, then I need to set a good example and "leave it" too as I move to make it to day 77.

#chasingbutterflies