meaningful conversations

I know I have blind spots.

but there is one in particular
that I’ve tried to see
worked hard to see.

but I couldn’t.

I became aware that it had to do with my conditioning.

being told at a very young age
that whatever I did
it wasn’t good enough.

being told at a very young age
that whatever I did
it could have been done better.

being told at a very young age
to focus
on “my failures”.

so I did.

then I overcompensated
in response to the pain I felt
of not being worthy.

everything I did was so I could

be seen
be accepted
be acknowledged.

but the conditioning is so strong
and everything I did
was “not good enough.”

so I believed.

when anyone asked “what do you do?”

I couldn’t answer
because I was fumbling
though everything I’ve ever done

and only saw failure

then came the shame.

worth… this is the blind spot I desperately wanted to see.

today I was catching up with my friend Nadeem and I shared with him how bad I am at answering “what do you do?”

he guided me
as we went deep
to find the answer.

he caught me
every time I dismissed achievement
as failure.

he made me aware
of the impact I’ve had
by doing what I do.

people just open up to me
they tell me things
that they wouldn’t to anyone else.

and I listen.

he said “but you don’t just listen… you have a conversation with them.”

yes.

“a meaningful conversation…”

meaningful

conversation

as I processed those two words
I felt something click
like a piece of a puzzle.

I could feel a resonance build in my heart

“so what do you do?”

I have meaningful conversations…

as Nadeem laughs and remarks “that’s an understatement!”

I catch my first glimpse of that blind spot.

#chasingbutterflies