obstacle course

I wanted to share my experience with the internal dialogue that bubbled up at an event I was at on Sunday.

It was a gathering of the students and alumni from the school I took my motorcycle training course. I’m a new rider and my personality is to learn, practice and continually hone down my skills.

Two weeks ago I took an advanced skills course offered by the same school, enjoyed my experience and learned new techniques and ironed out bad ones. I shared my experience with others in attendance while I chowed down on my burger.

When I was done eating I looked out at the obstacle course and noticed that there was only one rider out there, everyone else has gathered to the tent and became a viewing audience.

This is when the ego started speaking.

This is when the old voices whispered “talking so much and now you are going to look like a fool…”, “you are going to stall and drop the bike…”, “stop now and save yourself from the embarrassment…”

I could feel the anxiety set in, I could feel the child within me look up for assurance that these words weren’t true. That I wasn’t going to stop, turn around and bail.

I was very aware of these old feelings that bubbled up, but I chose to ignore them.

I geared up, started my bike and proceeded to the start line.

I whispered to myself “I’m doing this for me and not for anyone else. I’m here to learn, have fun and push my comfort zone.”

And off I went!

And after a few jerky turns, I missed an entry point and rode off the course.

I felt my cheeks burn and fingers tingle, but instead of belittling myself, I just rode back to the start line and tried again. I breathed, relaxed and just let myself go.

Made it to the hardest section at the end of the course and messed up.

But instead of belittling myself, I just rode back to the start line and tried again.
And again…
And again…

After 6 attempts I needed a break, parked the bike and walked back to the tent. A lady who I was chatting with earlier said “You looked so good out there! I could never do that!”

I smiled and replied “Not yet… but you will one day.”

I hear the whispers of others in the crowd of how they aren’t going to try. I asked them “Why not?” and they voice their hesitation, their fear… they shared their narratives.

I listened to them all. Understanding that we all see the world differently. We don’t know what others are thinking, yet we make ourselves believe the dialogue that WE scripted, silently projected onto them and bounced back to us.

My internal narrative was vicious and made me almost not want to try as “what will the others think?”, while the entire time "the others" are quietly wishing they had the courage to go try and dealing with whispers of their own.

Awareness, choice, different results.

I was aware, I chose differently and what will be the result of this? I chose to invite others to be curious and to inspire. To use my example of what “could be” vs. just keeping it inside to myself.

I did crack a smile afterwards when I saw a group head off to their bikes, gear up and line up at the start line.

Everything changed for them the minute they said “YES” to themselves.

PS. If you are wondering... I'm on the black & blue motorcycle.

#chasingbutterflies