presence

the worst thing just happened!

I was half sleeping and heard this amazing song on Stingray Festival4k channel playing on the TV. I saw the name of the artist pop up and didn't pause to write it down because I thought it was part of the episode that was listed as currently playing on the program guide.... well it turns out that was just a filler video!

now I can feel my OCD is going nuts wanting to go find that song I heard!

this isn't an itch I feel.

this isn't a burn.

this is King King screaming.

this is one rabbit hole I'm fighting hard to not go down right now.

the part that kills me is I did have a chance!

but for some reason I changed the channel right after the song finished, which immediately erased the recording buffer.

any chance I had to rewind was gone

as I process my disappointment

feel the anguish

I realize there was something left behind.

there is a lesson.

it is about presence.

the universe gave me a moment

I took it in completely

I let it move me.

now I have to let it go.

have to let it go...

yes.

I see my old behaviour resurface

of wanting to hold on

to experience it again.

and again.

but what this cycle of control does is teach me a very bad behaviour, which is to not be present for the moment, because I believe I can always go back to experience what I missed.

but life doesn't work like that.

beautiful moments come

then they go

and fade into the echo of time.

there is no "rewind".

so I am grateful for this lesson

for this reminder

that everything truly special is a once in a lifetime oppourtunity.

be present for it.

#chasingbutterflies