priviledge

These days I have a lot of time to think.

Now that I don't have alcohol to numb my mind, I have a lot of time to feel as well.

It's 10:45pm and I have a craving for some french fries, so I go for a walk to the nearby McD's and let myself have this small indulgence and go for a run tomorrow to burn off them off.

As I enter the place I am witness to those who do not much to their name, to those who have no place to go, to those who have chosen to escape.

I watch the people working behind the counter wish for the last 15 minutes to pass by more quickly, so they can close up shop and leave this environment.

I place my order and as I stand there waiting, I close my eyes and take in the energy of this space. I am aware of the jumbled conversations of the homeless patrons, their erratic movements... twitching... shaking... I feel my breathing slow down as I feel their despair.

I don't judge them as I was probably only one bad decision away from joining them...

I think back to the last 12 hours of my life and how I spent them.

Took Kismet for a walk in the early morning sun, visited my mom, took Kismet to Lynn Canyon and let her run around free, visited the twins. I got to forget about the world and enjoy a moment of it. For me!

you used to try and just forget about everything...

in your heart you didn't care, you just didn't want to feel...

what changed...

I changed.

I realized I couldn't help anyone if I didn't help myself first.

contrast...

The universe loves serving up this particular dish for me to savour.

#chasingbutterflies