the arena

This weekend I took part of the Daring Way workshop facilitated by Anita Anand.

The extent of my knowledge of Brene Brown and her work is limited to watching her TED talk and listening to one podcast I was linked to.

So I went into this event with a curious, open mind and gave myself permission to experience whatever the universe had planned for me as the days unfolded.

Reframing happened.

More clarity of the vocabulary being used.

Hundreds of dots connected.

only when one listens, can one then see...

This one statement couldn't have been more true.

In conversation I have had many people speak about the arena, however, I never asked them to clarify what they meant when they refer to "the arena".

In my mind "the arena" was the Colosseum in Rome.

In my mind I armored up in preparation to fight.

In my mind I stepped into the ring and fought shame, guilt and a gang of dysfunctional beliefs every day.

only when one listens...

I was given a clear picture of the arena based on Brene's work and now better understand what others are talking about.

I was giving feedback to a fellow student and heard the reply "but that means I would be in the arena all the time."

These words didn't sink in right away, but when I did finally process them I felt a lightning bolt strike my brain and my eyes popped wide open.

"Wait a second! You aren't in the arena all the time?"

"You can choose to enter the arena?"

"Which means you can choose to leave the arena!"

can one see...

I thought I have gotten out of the prison I built, that I was free. But at this moment I realized three things:

• that I only escaped from my cell and not the prison
• that the prison was also the arena

and most importantly

• that I created the arena

awareness, choice, different results...

I don't know when I created the arena, but I must have been a masochist at that time.

There is just seating for thousands of critics, a cell for me to be dragged into and no exit.

Every day I would wake up and prepare to fight.

If I was successful and not too exhausted, I would then try to find a way to escape.

Then I would be put back into my cell.

Repeat.

I am aware that created the arena, however, I now know I can't destroy it. It will always be there as shame will always exist, just waiting to engage.

you created the arena...

Yes. I can't destroy it, but I can change it!

I can add a door.

I can add a seat for you little Winston.

I can choose to enter.

and...

I can choose to leave.

#chasingbutterflies