trust

On Valentine's Day I made a decision to "choose me" which started a shift and I chose to ride this wave and see where it takes me.

After a glorious morning of cutting up fresh powder on the mountain, I headed to my sister's to pick up Kismet who has been staying with her for a few days.

I borrowed a extra large kennel from my sister, as Kismet is getting too big for the one I have now. One of the hardest things for me to do, is to trust that Kismet isn't going to destroy my place if I let her out of my sight, especially if I didn’t kennel her up at night when I’m asleep.

My sister informs me that Kismet has been sleeping on a dog bed without issue for a few days, so I purchased a new dog bed on the way home.

Arrived home late, grabbed the dog bed and decided to leave the new kennel in the car, as I was too tired to deal with assembling it.

I introduced Kismet to her new bed, but it took her a while to take to it and then I had to have some faith that she isn't going to chew everything up while I sleep! In the middle of the night I check up on her, only to find out that she crawled into the old kennel, which I left open, to sleep. Adorable! So I decided to leave things the way they are for a couple of days, to give Kismet time to transition.

Three days later I go to the car and take the new kennel out to assemble, when I have a moment of reflection and an internal debate.

why do you need the new kennel?

Well... when I'm not at home, I can put her in the kennel so she won't destroy anything.

you have been letting her be free at night while you sleep... if she was going to chew up everything, don't you think she would have by now?

But...

Then I became aware of two things:

• the dysfunctional belief of the value I place on my material possessions.
• is my fear of Kismet running amok just a reflection of my fear of letting go of control and letting little Winston be free?

control...

I stood there in the underground parking, trying to decide what do to, as I put up hard evidence vs. irrational fear.

it's just trust vs. control...

I am a recovering control freak. Old habits die hard.

Then I remember that a friend said to me "evidence always shatters belief".

you have evidence...

Yes I do.

So I put the new kennel back in the car, head back upstairs and disassemble the old kennel as I decided to go all in! To let go of control, to let go of these irrational fears that are holding me back and let things flow and grow.

And once I made that conscious decision? Everything started to shift again.

#chasingbutterflies