two weeks

Two weeks into my new cycle and I feel like I have gone through the washing machine a few times already.

On June 18, I hosted an amazing My Story Mondays where I declared our purpose to have 10,000 stories shared. I was vibing so hard and just in flow.

Then it all came to a halt.

I wish I could tell you this journey has been all rainbows and unicorn farts, but it hasn't.

This abrupt stop caught me off guard and it left me very vulnerable. The monkey felt this and it wasted no time getting into action.

The whispers started.
I could feel self doubt work its way back into my mind.
Where there used to be focus, now exists noise.

I could feel that I am out of alignment, the problem was I couldn't figure out how to get out of this funk my head was in, as everything was rapidly falling apart.

I started second guessing myself.
Questioning.
Analyzing.
Berating.

I ended up getting caught in a trap, a thought storm, and I gave into it.

Memories of one year ago flooded my mind.
I replayed how things unfolded so perfectly.
I relived how wonderful that felt.

what do you want...

I want to feel that again.

Canada Day was coming up soon and what I had planned got canceled, however, new oppourtunities appeared to replace them.

The days ticked by as I tried to figure things out. The long weekend came and I decided to go have some fun!

So I went out.
I tried to have some fun.
Things did not unfold as I expected.

things did not unfold as you expected...

No they did not.

And only on Monday night, exactly 2 weeks into this cycle did I see my mistake.

I saw what I was doing wrong.

what do you see...

I was chasing after a feeling.

The last cycle was so mind bending, so exhilarating, so unreal that I did not want it to end. So I tried to recreate it again.

I tried to force the magic to happen.
I tried to control how things unfolded.
I tried...

I failed.

I wanted to relive those precious moments so badly that nothing else mattered.

Things could not unfold as I held on with a death grip as to how I wanted it to be, how I wanted to feel.

This is what I was doing wrong.
This is why I was feeling stuck.

to chase after a feeling...

Forcibly recreating the past, instead of making space and allowing new experiences to come.

Holding onto those memories as if I was afraid they would disappear if I let go.

Forgetting that it was only by letting go, did I allow magic to enter my life.

what do you want...

I want us to return to that beautiful space.
Where magic happens.

All I have to do is let go.

#chasingbutterflies