you can't teach an old dog new tricks

I'm not getting much work done the last couple of weeks, but I am learning a lot about myself through raising Kismet.

Every time I find myself looking at her latest disaster masterpiece, rolling my eyes and wondering "WTF is going on?!?", I now visualize myself in exactly the same position berating me for doing whatever dysfunctional decision I chose to do.

I choose to beat myself up over that decision, but Kismet has forgotten already and moved on.

She is living in the now...

Kismet makes a mistake? OK. Move on.
Kismet has a success? OK. Move on.
Kismet learns what brings her a treat? OK. Repeat and move on.

My mind drifts to the last 4 weeks and to my decision to drink and indulge every weekend. I understand I did it because I wanted to... but what is driving this want?

You could have chosen better...
Why do you do this to yourself...
Is this what you want...

These thoughts paired up with guilt and shame, start a vicious cycle of self loathing that takes days to snap out of.

Yes, Kismet screws up. It's two steps forward and one step back, but I choose to focus on her progress.

However, I do not do the same for myself as I focus on the negatives.

I keep reminding myself about what I didn't do, where I failed, where I screwed up, instead of just letting go of that moment, move on and focus on the things "that brings me treats".

Now that I'm aware of this, I guess this old dog can learn new tricks.

#chasingbutterflies